Jealousy

Right now I'm really struggling with jealousy and bitterness.   As the "safe zone" approaches for March babies, more and more pregnancy announcements are popping up.  I want so bad to be happy for these people,  but all I feel is jealous.

I hate feeling this way,  let alone admitting it,  but each post, picture or event just reminds me of Doodle.   Seeing posts on heartbeats gets me the most....makes the horrible words "there's no heartbeat" scream through my mind all over again.

One Facebook friend posted/bragged last night about conceiving on the first try.  (Please forgive me while I make obscene gestures.)  Deep down I'm happy for them..... deep deep deep deep down. Deep.

On a brighter note,  the high dose antibiotics they gave me have finally alleviated the stomach pains.   I'm still curious where the infection was.   We'll find out tomorrow if my hormones have changed/reset.   My pregnancy symptoms have definitely lessened so I'll take that as a good sign.

For now, I just keep taking it day by day (what's the other option?) and accept that some days are going to be harder than others.   I know eventually it won't hurt as bad.....