Several years ago, I was reading a blog and remember commenting (verbally) that I wish the girl would "just move on and focus on something else." She had suffered a miscarriage and was still writing about it months later. I'd love to take back those words. I hate that I was ever so cold.
Now, here I am. I'm stuck. I'm dwelling. I'm broken. I know so many people are thinking "just move on and focus on something else," but I just can't. It hurts so bad sometimes that it is hard to breathe. I feel like I'm the only one still devastated. I'm mad because certain people have just ignored it all completely. I'm thankful for the ones who genuinely have been there. I'm ashamed of not being there more for people that have been in my shoes. I'm so many things that I could write all day. I just want the pain to stop.
When my Mom died, we all hurt. We all cried and healed together. No one else is empty and crying at night... It's isolating and so hard.
I feel ashamed of my inability to do what my body is supposed to do. I feel like I've let people down, let my baby down. Today has been a huge struggle. I think my appointment tomorrow and a pregnancy announcement at work just did me in today. Tomorrow will be better....
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