Screaming In A Pillow

Right now,  I need a good ole dramatic pillow screaming session.  I need to unleash the 101 emotions that are running wild.

In the last 36 hours:

-Had to have additional MRIs done.  Luckily I didn't have to have contrast again since the first time it infiltrated and I lost use of my right arm for a day. 

-Received our court documents and realized we'll be wasting 2 days of vacation for lawyer meetings and court since the hearing is 4 hours away.

-Got a severe infection in my finger (landscaping related injury) and have to be seen by the work doc later today.

-Called Dr T for my results and was informed they couldn't tell me anything over the phone (aka bad news), but they can't see me until Monday.  So now Perry's birthday party and our first anniversary are going to have a big ole dark cloud over them. 

-It's raining and raining and raining.

I'd like to go to bed now. 

Update: I'm now on high doses of antibiotics and had to get a tetanus shot.  Thankfully,  I did finally get to crawl in bed.  The game now is to fall asleep before my husband turns on his sleep apnea machine that he got 2 days ago. It sounds like an elephant on drugs every time he moves!

I've Got A Shovel and I (Barely) Know How To Use It

This past weekend,  we started a massive landscaping project.  I absolutely suck at remembering to do before and after photos,  but please know,  we made some definite improvements. 

Our side yard and front corner are dug out, mulched and filed with perennial plants. Our front stoop "prickly twigs" are gone and replaced by two new bushes (that were on clearance Woohooooo.) And all of my pots are full of annuals and I even went crazy and mixed colors this year. 

We learned some valuable lessons along the way:

1.  2 huge blankets don't stop mulch liquid from seeping through and making your car permanently stink.

2. 20 bags of mulch is a bit excessive.

3. Our contractors were clearly lazy and just buried leftover pipe,  drywall and ceiling tile.

4. Landscaping ruins your hands and reminds you how out of shape you are.

5.  Hiring landscapers for all future homes is not negotiable.  I can still enjoy the garden section and nursery to find pot fillers,  but that's where we draw the line lol

And now for some weekends pictures that I did remember to snap!!

Recipes from the Riggles

I'm very guilty of cooking the same meals over and over again.  I think I got it from my Mama.  I don't remember a huge amount of variety growing up (what she cooked was amazing though). 

I've been trying my best to try some new things lately.  I thought I'd share my experiences.  One of these days I'll remember to take pictures of my concoctions.

Pork ribs in the crockpot:  Basically you put the ribs in the crockpot,  add a can of Coca Cola and some coarse sea salt and cook on low for 6-8 hours.   We had some dinner plan changes so instead of eating them immediately,  I put them in a baking dish with Sweet Baby Rays and warmed then in the oven the next night.  Everyone raved about them.   I'll definitely be cooking them again when my local store has another sale.

Crockpot Roast: I stole this recipe from Pinterest (hollybirdio is my username).  They call it Mississippi Roast.  My only modification was cutting back on the butter and adding a little juice off the peppers.

Mexican Rice:  I pieced a recipe together based off a variety of recipes and reviews.  1/4 cup of canola oil,  1 tsp each of onion powder and garlic powder,  1/2 tsp each of cumin,  chili powder and salt.   Warm oil in skillet and dissolve spices.    Add 1 cup uncooked long grain white rice.  Brown and stir for 5 minutes.   Add 1-1/2 cup chicken broth and 1 can Rotel.  Bring to a boil then lower heat to medium and cook covered until desired texture.  We like ours mushy so I cooked for approximately 20 minutes.  Next time I think I'll try less oil and won't freak out over how moist it was when I added broth/Rotel;  it quickly cooked down.

Cheesy corn: It was so unhealthy that I'm embarrassed to share,  but I'll say when you add corn,  ham,  cheese and cream cheese, magical things happen.  Again,  I blame Pinterest. 

That's all the spontaneity I've mustered up lately.  Stay tuned for more Recipes from the Riggles :)

Things To Smile About

I've been a Debbie Downer again so it's time to focus on some things that make me happy right now (in no particular order).

1) Opening the windows and enjoying the fresh Spring air.   The kittens adore this too.  

2) Adam Levine wearing his white tshirt on The Voice.

3) My friend Jenni is having her daughter soon....I am anxiously awaiting newborn pics any day now.

4) Leaves on the trees.  I forgot how much I missed green plants.  Flowers too,  of course.

5) We leave for the beach in less than a month. 

6) Grilling.  My husband is the grilled chicken master.

7) Ice cream with sprinkles.

8) New flip flops and sandals and being able to use them as an excuse to get regular pedicures.

9) Friends.  They're priceless.

10) Social Media - blogs and Pinterest have given me tons of entertainment and information lately.

Of course this isn't a comprehensive list,  just the first ten things that popped into my mind.   I have a lot to smile about,  even when I don't feel like it.  

Birchbox

Another box,  another review.

Color Club Gems Collection:  Heirloom Pearls is a fun silver nail polish.  It seems to go on easily and stay put,  but it smells SO much like acetone that it gave me a mini headache.  The price is good (set of 4 for $13), but I'd only use the silver and pink,  not the blue and green so I'll pass on purchasing.

Nazelie Skincare Moisturizing Night Cream: Two words - Bacon grease.  Ew Ew Ew. Greasy texture plus nasty scent.

Number 4 Clarifying Shampoo plus an added Reconstructing Masque: My head feels clean, but no healthier than when I started.  The faint vanilla scent doesn't leave my hair smelling "pretty" and the price tag is way too high so again,  I'll pass.

TheBalm How About Them Apples Cheek and Lip Cream: By now everyone knows I don't do lip junk and this used as blush made me look ready for Halloween.  Pass haha

KIND Snacks Healthy Grains Bar in Maple Pumpkin Seeds:  The surprising high point of this box.  It was a little sea salty for my taste, but it got me interested in trying their other flavors.  

That's the 411 on my April box.   As usual,  the box arrival was a highlight of the month (Hello pathetic life).  Until next time.....

Oh the Irony

I opened some random page today and this popped up.   Apparently it's Infertility Awareness Week and also the week of my MRI to find out if I'm completely barren (do people still use that word?).

To add to the fun,  we've also got a court date this week in regards to the ex wife and her inability to follow court orders. 

I might just hibernate this week.  But all complaining aside.  Pray for those who are affected by infertility.  Pray for those who don't even know that they'll be traumatized by it one day.  Pray for the people who have no idea the hurt their words cause in relation to infertility.  And if you have some prayers left,  please pray for us this week..... 

Easter In An Eggshell

What a weekend.  

Thursday: Keith picked up Perry and we quickly realized he had the stomach flu.  Keith's car had to be steam cleaned,  the half bath was temporarily painted purple (I'll never buy grape Gatorade again) and we got very little sleep in between bucket dumps.

Friday: We camped out at home for a LONG day of sanitizing,  laundry and airing out the house (the cats were loving the fresh air).  Perry watched movies,  I caught up on Netflix and Keith channel surfed.  It was nice to be lazy, but I would have preferred to skip the "accidents" and the little dude feeling rough.

Saturday: His energy was back with a vengeance.   The Easter Bunny came a day early to our house since his Mother is too selfish to share a holiday with us.  We unwrapped goodies then headed to PA to see the inlaws and grab dinner before taking the kiddo home.

Sunday: Slept in and spent the day eating way too much with my family.   This was the first year that all of my family's Easter traditions ceased and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't sad and disappointing.  My Mom always made holidays fun and special,  so it's hard to lose all that.  To add to the joy, we got absolutely interrogated over having children, to the point of tears (thankfully no one noticed). 

All in all,  the weekend flew by and I'm still praying we don't catch the stomach flu.  We did enjoy our time with family and the extra day off work.  Most of all,  we're thankful for the real meaning behind the holiday.   Thank you Lord for this life I'm blessed to live.  He is Risen.

A Note That My Cats Would Share

I needed this laugh :)  Thank you,  Pinterest!

And Then.....

It's been two days since the latest attack on my emotional well-being.   I'm still just sad and in a haze, but honestly since watching my Mom die of colon cancer,  I've realized there's not much that can take me to that low of a place (please Lord never give me anything harder).   So basically I'm sad,  but I'm also thankful.  I've said all along I want to know "why" and now I do.  I hate the answer and it breaks my heart,  but now we know and we can make decisions (after my MRI).

Please don't think I'm downplaying any of this.  I've had myself plenty of pity cries and tear up when I think of the sadness on Keith's face,  but this isn't the end for us.   For the insensitive people who've said to just relax and it will happen,  I hope their eyes are opened to how wrong they are.  Relaxing doesn't fix infertility; insensitivity doesn't help the hurt either.  

My sweet husband sent me flowers yesterday.  He's never sent me flowers before,  but yesterday it was exactly what I needed.   The card reads,  "Together we can overcome any challenge."  I needed to see that, to know one more time that he loves me and my junk reproductive system and that we're in this together.  He even proudly announced that he used a coupon code to order them.... God, I love him. 

So, that's where we are now.  Anxiously awaiting the MRI.  Hoping for the best,  but preparing for the worst.  Praying for direction,  guidance, answers, but most of all for a baby....a healthy baby to love and call our own. 

Unicorns Aren't So Magical

Today was my HSG.  I read way too many horror stories online so honestly I was scared to death.  I won't lie and say it was painless.  There were moments that took my breath away and made me yelp, but they were short lived.  Keith got to come back with me (and rock a polka dot lead vest).  I was surprised to see Dr. T there (he was nice today), it just never crossed my mind that he'd be doing the test himself.

The first attempt wasn't clear so I got a second shot of dye and then it was over.  In the end,  I've got a single horn UU (nicknamed Unicorn Uterus) and I've got a tube and kidney that are MIA on my right side.   The real kicker is my right ovary is my good egg producer.  So now, not only are we fighting a losing game to get pregnant,  but staying pregnant is going to be hard, partnered with complicated birth if we make it to that point.

Needless to say,  our IUI has been canceled.  I'm now scheduled for an MRI in two weeks so they can see more.  My hope is fading more each day.  I'm just feeling defeated and numb.  The sadness and defeat in Keith's eyes breaks my heart even more....He puts on a strong face for me, but his heart hurts too. 

I read a while back where someone else on a much much much harder journey struggled with knowing how to pray and I too find myself struggling.  Her answer was a simple, "Jesus, please" and trusting he knows the rest.  So tonight I'm simply praying the same...."Jesus,  please."

Tests and Trial Two

Today was our first Dr Jerkface appointment in a few months.  In those two months either he's gotten nicer or I've gotten more tolerant (or he was on his best behavior for the med student). Whatever the cause,  it was nice to not leave an appointment in misery.

We went through the usual motions and left with plans to do an HSG followed by another IUI.  They upped the hormones for this round so I should be a hot mess in a few days.   The best part is the timeline involves Easter Sunday so we could be skipping family dinners for stirrups and specimens. 

Of course I've got 101 mixed emotions about the next few weeks.  I have to go off my AS drugs so I can ovulate so that's got me concerned.  I'm afraid of the HSG. Most of all,  I'm petrified of another failure.  I gasp for breath when I truly let myself think about it. 

For now,  we continue to pray and hope that this is our month.  Selfishly I'm also praying that the test isn't painful cause I'm a big ole baby.   Through it all though,  I'm thankful for Keith who stands by my side through it all and also for spring finally getting here to help brighten our moods and outlooks!   Let Round 2 begin. .....

Kid's Fair Fun

Our local Children's Hospital holds an annual Kid's Fair at the mall.  Of course I take advantage of free and fun events when we have Perry with us so we headed there this morning.  This year was a super hero theme so it was a definite win win.

He was entertained for well over an hour with carnival games, face painting, tattoos, educational booths,  characters,  and other fun stuff.   He was also quite proud of his loot and aside from us having his blood sugar tested (family history of diabetes) he enjoyed everything.

I love spending time with my boys and it's a bonus when that time teaches lessons about not smoking,  eating healthy,  performing cpr and other health topics.   We'll definitely be going back next year!