Balancing Act

I’ve never been good at balancing things.  I’m clumsy so balancing a book on my head is a challenge.  I like carbs way too much so balancing a diet is next to impossible and now this.  Now I am trying to balance optimism vs. guarding my heart.

Optimistic Holly wants to think that eggs and swimmers met and did the happy little fertilization dance and that we will have a positive pregnancy test in two (agonizingly long) weeks.  Cautious Holly won’t think about it.  

I’ve noticed that since Friday, my husband has laid his hand on my stomach more than usual.  I don’t know if it’s a conscious or unconscious thing, but it makes my heart skip beats and then the worry kicks in.  I worry a lot about the effect this will have on Keith.  He’s so optimistic and so excited.  He makes little comments that make me realize that he whole heartedly thinks this worked.  I don’t want to see the sadness in his eyes if it didn’t.  

And then there’s the part I don’t even want to admit to.  I made a formal list of baby names and made Keith weed through them.  I don’t believe in luck or curses, but something about it seemed so scary, like I was cursing this IUI.

I won’t let myself look at baby stuff online.  I steer clear of the cute baby clothes at Target.  I get sick to my stomach when I think about having to walk by this stuff if this fails.  The other side of me wants to order 101 outfits for Baby Batman/Baby Batgirl as he/she has been named.

I’m scared.  I’m hopeful.  I’m terrified.  I’m anxious.  I’m excited.  I’m optimistic.  I’m guarded.  I’m waiting…

It's IUI Time

Well, we have our first IUI with Letrozole under our belts.

I have been taking OPKs all week and was starting to get worried after each negative.  Yesterday afternoon, I got a partial negative, so I took another late last night and got a definite positive.  We headed to our appointment at 8am and they had me repeat the test and got a positive on the surge.

Next up was a scan with Dr. Jerkface who couldn’t even muster up a “hello or good morning.”  He grunted my follicle report to Vicky (love that woman) and I was excited to hear 22 and 16.  We were sent out for about an hour so we grabbed breakfast then went back.  We were led into an exam room and given Keith’s report.  His swimmers got the top rating and were labeled Dean’s List Swimmers lol.   He was basically strutting around like a peacock.

The best surprise of the day was a new lady (missed her name) did our IUI.  She was nice and talkative and made it a nice experience.  I was so glad Dr. Jerkface wasn’t part of it all.  I had to laugh when she said, “you enjoy your quickie of the day?” haha.  We were left to lay for about 10 minutes and of course I forced Keith to take a selfie for the baby book (I’m trying to be optimistic here.)

We finally were sent on our way.  After a fist bump from Vicky, paying the tab, and a mouthed “good luck” from the sweet receptionist, we were done.  I’m spending the day in a recliner working from my laptop.  The next two weeks are going to drag by!!!


We appreciate all love, prayers and well wishes.  Here’s hoping for a BFP followed by great blood work next month =)

Birchbox Bounce Back

My box showed up in the mail a few days ago.  I was worried about opening it because I had decided that 2 more bad boxes would equal a break up.  Luckily, my monthly date got the message that I was giving it the cold shoulder and stepped up its game.

Here is the Holly Review of the Month:

Coastal Scents Revealed Eye Shadow:  Finally, some make-up aside from lip gloss!!  I was excited about the four colors and tried it first thing the next morning.  I love the way it goes on and glimmers, but it just doesn’t seem to have much staying power.  I think I’ll stick to my cheap brand and save myself the $34.

Dr. Lipp Original Nipple Balm for Lips: Ok, first off, bad name for product.  Second, it tastes awful!!  Yummy taste is the only thing that makes me consider Chapstick so I struggle to even put this on.  This petroleum jelly taste is gnarly.  I think my lips are peeling more now too.

Juicy Couture Viva La Juicy: I love all of their perfumes so far and definitely plan to add one of them to my birthday list this year.  I agree with Birchbox on this one – it is fun and happy.

Serge Normant Dry Conditioner:  I have not had a chance to try this yet.  Honestly, I thought it was another dry shampoo until I read the description card.  My winter hair might actually like this product!!

Under Armour Braided Mini Headband: My favorite item in the box.  I lose headbands off my odd shaped noggin all the time. This puppy is pretty, bright and stays put.  Score!!  Almost makes me want to go workout….almost.

So, Birchbox has redeemed itself.  We will continue to date through February.

Next Stop....Crazy Town

Well, God reminded me again that I have no control and I’m just along for the ride.  The days that we had left to make life altering decisions, ended up being interrupted by Day 1.  Which meant time to make an instant decision ugh. 

After much stressing and talking, we decided to move forward with the IUI.  So, Wednesday morning we headed to the Fertility office for an ultrasound and marching orders.  In 28 minutes, I was given a pregnancy test (meanies), given an ultrasound, prescribed Femara and “scheduled” for January 24^th.  As usual, Dr Jerkface was sssoooooo personable, but at least his staff makes the experience a little easier.  So now, I take drugs that say “Use reliable birth control when taking this medication to prevent harm to fetus” and wait for the little OPK to say it’s go time.  And I stress. 

At this point, I’m praying that Femara is nicer to me than Clomid.  I’m praying that our bodies do what they’re supposed to do.  And obviously, I’m begging God that this will work. 

January/February are going to be quite the ride.  Next stop....Crazy Town. 

I'd Kill For a Potato or Pizza

We’re watching carbs at the Riggle household.  I could kill someone for a pizza, but we’re surviving.  It has been fun experimenting so far. Below are a few of the kitchen creations we’ve attempted in the last few weeks. 

Cauliflower Pizza Casserole – My recommendation would be to cook this in a bigger pan so it gets a little firmer.  Tasted a bit liked mashed potatoes instead of a firmer casserole.  We also added some pizza sauce to pick up the flavor. 

Eggplant Lasagna – I combined 10 different recipes and made my own.

1 large eggplant sliced into thin pieces

Olive oil

Italian seasoning

Pound of hamburger

Large jar of spaghetti sauce

Brick cream cheese

Shredded hot pepper cheese

Shredded Parmesan cheese

Slice the eggplant, coat both sides with a mixture of olive oil and seasoning.  Roast in oven for 20 minutes on 350 on several cookie sheets.

Brown and chop hamburger with minced onion, garlic powder and salt/pepper.

Add sauce and simmer on low. 

Melt cream cheese in microwave for 45 seconds.  Add a dash of water to prevent burning. 

In glass pan, add ladle of sauce/meat, layer eggplant, add a layer of cream cheese and shredded hot pepper cheese then add more sauce.  Repeat to add desired number of layers.  On top, add last row of eggplant, a thin layer of sauce and then parmesan cheese. 

Bake on 350 for approximately 20 minutes or until boiling.

Cool a bit and then serve (serving immediately is too messy)

Avocado Salad – I modified a Pinterest recipe

2 ripe avocados – cubed

½ container cherry tomatoes diced

½ small red onion diced

Heaping spoonful of diced garlic

½ cup feta cheese

Red Wine Vinegar – 2 TBSP

Olive Oil – 4 TBSP

Squirt of lemon juice

Salt/Pepper, Onion Powder. 

Mix all ingredients and serve. 

Note: Next time I will add some jalapenos. 

Chicken Noodleless Soup – A good warm up food for a cold day. 

2 large pieces of celery chopped

30 baby carrots diced.

1 small onion diced

30 pea pods diced

4 cups chicken broth

Heaping spoonful of minced garlic.

8 chicken tenders thawed.

Parsley, Basil, Salt, Pepper, Savory seasoning.

Layer veggies and seasoning, add chicken and pour broth over everything.  Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours.  Shred chicken before serving.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

The clock is still ticking and we’re still no closer to a decision.  I have less than a week to decide if we are going to try IUI.  I’ve been analyzing it for about a month now and feel no closer to a decision.

I’m still convinced that my tubes are blocked.  Call it a gut feeling or just crazy ole paranoid Holly, but with my past abdominal surgeries, I would think checking those would be step one.  I just wish Dr. Jerkface was approachable so we could discuss it. 

My work doc ran some more blood work to check my thyroid, etc. so I’m anxious to hear the results of that too.  Maybe that will help us make a decision. 

Basically, still frustrated and lost. 

Yes, that sums it up.

http://lemmonythings.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/god-will-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle-i-guarantee-it/

Ole Faithful

The fact that I am writing a whole blog about this should clearly prove that I need medicated and I’m not quite right.   I am in fact ok with the judging and eye rolling. 

Let me tell you about Ole Faithful…..aka my planner.

I am obsessed with my planner.  It’s clearly one of my favorite things in life and is tangible proof that I am an organized person (read: control freak) and like to clearly have my life planned out (well in advance when possible).

So, I waited too long to hunt down my reliable sidekick.  I blame it on my first year being a married, step-mother in a new house, but honestly, I am just ashamed of myself.  I will never make this mistake again.

Anyway, last year I found my dream planner at Barnes and Noble.  A shameful $20 later and that beauty was mine.  Well imagine my surprise when I went back this year and they had nothing even close to that beauty (obviously I got over the shame of buying an expensive one.)

You see, planners must have the following to meet my needs:

1. Monthly/weekly view with tabs
2. Week spread visible when opened
3. Saturday and Sunday must be side by side.
4. There must be lines and plenty of writing space.
5. Must be a large planner (hello, I’m blindish)
6. Calendar year….Academic year stresses me out
7. No appointment book style/hourly allotments needed.
8. Holidays must be pre-populated.

Well, I tried to order one through work.  After 5 failed item numbers, the dear lady ordered me one that “she thought would work”.  After I started breathing again, I thanked her and set out on my mission to find one in a store again. 

Finally, 4 days into the new year and multiple panic attacks later, I found her…at Wal-Mart for $10 (Who knew they stocked the good planners?!??!).  She isn’t the prettiest little thing from the outside, but she fulfills the must haves list.  Each page has a cute orange and pink chevron pattern so that helped too. 

Plain but acceptable

Please ignore my awful pic skills. 

So, you will be happy to know I am breathing again.  All birthdays, anniversaries, milestones, appointments and bill payment schedules have been written in.  I’ve lovingly leafed through her more times than I am willing to admit (a girl has to have some secrets). 

*sigh of relief*

Snow Snow Go Away

Today I had to leave this....

To go out in this....

I'm ready for Spring. 

A Babyless Story Episode 9

We’re in month 9 of trying to get pregnant and needless to say, we’re frustrated. 

Dr. Jerkface finally called after 10 days with our most recent analysis results.

Dr: Dr. Jerk here calling with analysis results.  This is normal, that is normal, this percentage overall, good results.  Thank you, Goodbye.  (PS a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, sorry for being a jerk would have been appreciated)

Me: Wait wait wait…what does that mean?

Dr: Normal results.  Thank you. Bye.

Me: Wait wait, what changed?

Dr: Nothing, this was just a full analysis.

Me: So now what?

Dr: I don’t have your chart.

Me: Well get it. (I mean hello we are talking about a computer, not going to a large file room to pull a physical file)

Dr: You can do IUI if you want.  (IF I WANT?!?!  Yes, that’s exactly what I WANT to do…making babies the old fashion way is just plain boring…I definitely WANT to do this.)

Me: Well how do we proceed with that?

Dr: Come in on Day 3.  Goodbye now.  Click. 

So basically, I have no idea what happens on Day 3.  I don’t know if I go in alone, if I take Keith, if there are drugs and needles involved, if they will do it all that day, what the cost might be, etc. etc. 

I have hidden the thermometer from myself.  I’m not charting anything except for start and end dates.  I haven’t peed on anything that resembles a test of any kind.  I’m going with the whole less is more philosophy this month. 

So basically, we know nothing.  I have officially started cutting out processed foods and adding more water, fruit and veggies.  Let’s hope that helps the situation as well. 

I had my first “had a baby” dream a few nights ago.  Those are a sick joke; Woke up feeling even more disappointed.  Made it through the holidays with only 5 people asking about babies so we’ll call that a success at least!! 

And we pray and wait.....