Earth Has No Sorrow That Heaven Can't Heal

Come out of sadness
From wherever you’ve been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin
Come find your mercy
Oh sinner come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal
-Crowder

I've been singing/humming this song all day.  I need reminded that one day all the tears and pain will be gone.  My Mom and our Doodle are in heaven; one day I'll see them again.

Today has been bittersweet.  The people who mean the world to me, put me together a book of letters.  Each one reflected so much about them individually and each one helped heal my heart.  How blessed am I to have these people in my life. 

March 29th will always be a day that's etched in my mind and heart.  Happy Due Date Doodle.  Mommy will always love you. 

Failure on Friday

Another round bites the dust. 

This whole round has been off kilter. I started meds on Day 4 instead of 3.  I got a positive OPK on Day 11 instead of 12.  I called the doctor to make sure I didn't need to be seen on Thursday and was told no.  Then I go in today and find out we're too late to identify which side I'm ovulating on.  So we're told to try on our own but we actually have jobs (I'm on vacation today) so we can't just neglect all responsibilities. 

I cried.  I ate Chick fil A. I got cheered up by my people.  I received beautiful flowers.  I got cuddled by my furry nephew and I'm watching Netflix galore.  Sigh. 

Here We Go Again

Tomorrow morning starts a new cycle with the doc.  I'm hoping and praying to be cyst free and that he'll agree to do the mega dose of Letrozole again with potential for IUI. 

I've been shoving thoughts of "we should have a newborn right now" aside and trying to hold myself together.  I'm still on the healthy wagon, I'm taking my vitamins and aspirin and doing my castor oil packs.   Come on baby making equipment, I'd like the Easter Bunny to bring me a BFP. 

Crabbier Than Crabby

Yesterday I hated the world.  I was so cranky I couldn't handle myself!  I was in desperate need of some grace and junk food!   When my husband didn't want to split a banana split with me, I lost it.  Poor man thinks I'm mental.

Anyway, I decided to get my hair done thanks to a salon coupon and I put myself to bed early and today I'm back to normalish.  Not surprisingly, CD1 came to visit so I see the Doc Thursday. 

In other weekend news, I made this recipe.  Perry and I loved it, Keith not so much.  I also got in some Hobby Lobby, Kohls, Trader Joes and consignment store shopping. 

Happy Monday (Wow that post was a jumbled mess)

Five Friday Favorites

OK so I started this post on Thursday.  Sue me ;)

Thanks to my super cool phone, all pictures will be at the bottom, but you get the idea folks!

1.  My dear friend Boom Chicka Pop in Frosted Sugar Cookie.  Dear God above don't let this be a limited time flavor.

2. This beach house which I will be making my home one week this summer!

3.  The sunshine that FINALLY made its appearance yesterday.

4.  The awesome dishes I found while antiquing with my Sister.  Vintage Pyrex *swoon*

5. Sisters Sleepover.  I'm staying with Heidi and the furry kids this weekend.  Watch out shopping, we're coming for you!

To Eat or Not To Eat

Friday marked officially losing 10lbs (on my own scale) so I updated my FitnessPal app and the meanie took away calories from my goal.  I pretty much hate it right now. 

Those extra calories have always covered my night time snack of popcorn or pretzels and losing that makes me cranky. 

I've spent today sulking and using my "I need fed voice" as Keith so lovingly pointed out.  I've contemplated jumping headfirst off the wagon, but so far I've stayed on. 

I'm just not feeling satisfied today.  For breakfast, I had coffee, strawberries,  yogurt and chia seeds.  I wanted a scone from our favorite bakery (589 calories....that almost made me cry).  For lunch, I wanted a Pittsburgh Turkey Sandwich (869 calories without the ranch dressing I wanted to drown it in.) Instead I had grilled chicken, salad and soup.   For dinner, I wanted pizza.  Oh sweet pizza, but instead I had a turkey wrap and pretzels. 

I've not had a day this frustrating since I started eating healthy.  I'm not sure if the fries yesterday started this struggle, if it's a weekend thing, if it's a hormonal thing or what the heck caused it, but I'm hungry and angry and I shamefully might have shed a tear earlier out of frustration. 

I'm completely full right now but I'd kill for ice cream. Or a brownie.  Or that 589 calorie scone.  Please someone save me from myself lol.

Cheater Cheater, French Fry Eater

I did my homework today.  I ate a "cheat food" in moderation.  I ordered the veggie plate at a local steakhouse and got green beans, a side salad, chicken tortilla soup and steak fries with cheese. 

I've missed my beloved fries and they tasted oh so good.  I was content and then I wasn't.  I feel awful now.  My stomach hurts and I just feel blah.  So not worth it. 

Well played nutritionist lady....I think you knew how this would play out all along.  Now pass the Tums!

Snow Day Cooking

Working from home during Snowmagedon allowed me to work 7-3 today, so I had extra time for dinner prep! I decided to try mini meatloafs (meatloaves?) and paired it with steamed red potatoes and cheesy broccoli.  Yummy. 

I tweaked this recipe.  I added diced red bell peppers to the skillet, I replaced crackers with 3 pieces of bread softened with milk then shredded (Thanks, Jenni), I added some Worchestire to the mix and I didn't add as much ketchup on top of the "muffins."

They were a big hit (even the neighbor's dog devoured one) and I had plenty to freeze for another night.  Definitely a repeat recipe! 

Let's Eat

I've been seeing a nutritionist through my RE's office for about a month now.  I was unsure of her in the beginning, but I've grown to like her.

Each visit, I get homework and we talk through some issues.

First visit, I was assigned 30 minutes of exercise and to watch my processed foods intake.  I jumped on the food wagon, but completely missed the exercise train.

Friday I had my followup and she was pleased with my results.  I've lost close to 10lbs and improved my food choices.

My homework this week was to work on allowing myself to have my "bad foods" in moderation.  I have to learn to work them into my day and find ways to not feel deprived.  My kinda homework lol!

Today I ventured to Chick Fil A for breakfast and did pretty well.  I cut back on sauces (140 calories in Chick Fil A Sauce y'all, yikes! ) and had grilled chicken and fruit at lunch to balance out the count.  I even skipped birthday cake at my Dad's dinner last night. 

I also joined a local Crockpot meal group on FB that gives me daily exercises to do and so far I'm 1 for 1 on completing those.  Haha that's quite a track record lol

Overall, I'm doing alright with the plan.  It's definitely something I can do long term so we'll see what the future holds.