It's been two days since the latest attack on my emotional well-being. I'm still just sad and in a haze, but honestly since watching my Mom die of colon cancer, I've realized there's not much that can take me to that low of a place (please Lord never give me anything harder). So basically I'm sad, but I'm also thankful. I've said all along I want to know "why" and now I do. I hate the answer and it breaks my heart, but now we know and we can make decisions (after my MRI).
Please don't think I'm downplaying any of this. I've had myself plenty of pity cries and tear up when I think of the sadness on Keith's face, but this isn't the end for us. For the insensitive people who've said to just relax and it will happen, I hope their eyes are opened to how wrong they are. Relaxing doesn't fix infertility; insensitivity doesn't help the hurt either.
My sweet husband sent me flowers yesterday. He's never sent me flowers before, but yesterday it was exactly what I needed. The card reads, "Together we can overcome any challenge." I needed to see that, to know one more time that he loves me and my junk reproductive system and that we're in this together. He even proudly announced that he used a coupon code to order them.... God, I love him.
So, that's where we are now. Anxiously awaiting the MRI. Hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. Praying for direction, guidance, answers, but most of all for a baby....a healthy baby to love and call our own.
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