It's been almost a month since the day my heart shattered. The day we found out that the little heart beat of the baby we had hoped, prayed and fought so hard for, was no longer there.
The days and weeks that followed were the hardest we've faced in our marriage. I flip flopped through the stages of grief and found myself lost and inconsolable.
Feeling like we'd finally beat infertility and having hope for a successful pregnancy was quickly and painfully taken away. I thought the storm would never stop. I thought the tears and tightness in my chest would never stop.
Today is different. I'm finally able to think of the next steps. I no longer refuse the idea of trying again. I'm anxious for my cycle to start and my 12 week bloodwork to be scheduled so we know what to do next. I'm still nervous to start over with the drugs, scans and all the unknowns of fertility treatments, but it's part of our journey.
This calm doesn't mean I'm over losing our baby. That will never be the case. I still look at my calendar and think that we should be announcing our pregnancy this week. I still think that I'd be graduating from the first trimester. I still think of my Mom in heaven rocking the little one who we will meet some day. It still hurts but the storms are calming.
I am still praying that God will give us a healthy baby. I'm still asking that He will comfort us and help us have the strength and guidance for the road ahead. I'm praying that the worst of the storms have passed and we'll remember to praise Him in the calm.
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ReplyDeleteThanks for hosting these weekly link ups =)
What a heartwrenching time, butit will pass. It gets easier to see through the storm as time passes, and it's our responsibility to trust God throughout it all and believe that he will supply us both with a child. I'll be thinking and praying that your heart mends, it is the worst pain.
ReplyDeleteA year after the fact (my first 'act' of miscarrying was today, 1 year ago) you won't be in this pain. Nothing close to this pain, so know you will push through!
Farin
http://farinvazquez.blogspot.com
Farin, Thank you so much for the kind and encouraging words. I'll be praying for extra comfort for you today and on the road ahead.
DeleteIt helps so much to connect with others who have been "in my shoes." Thank you again for the support and I'll be praying that God answers our prayers for healthy babies!
Holly
Holly, I am so very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I pray that God will comfort you and give you peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lisa. The prayers and kind words from the TTC community, have been a huge part of healing. =)
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