Small Victories

Today I'm celebrating small victories.

  I woke up this morning and "read the news" aka scanned Facebook.  A guy I've known since kindergarten posted the announcement about his girlfriend expecting their son.  My first response was, "Crap, another assault before I've even had my coffee." But today, instead of crying, I tried some advice I was recently given.  I told myself their pregnancy is not about me.   I kept forcing myself to be rational instead of irrational and finally brought myself to tell them Congratulations.  And honestly, I am happy for them.  They deserve happiness, and on this journey, I've selfishly lost sight of that.  I still feel every announcement will hurt, but I'm trying....As the wise Dory says,  "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!"

Later in the day, I was minding my own business in Target when I ran into a girl I used to babysit and her mom.  Her newborn daughter was in the cart and they stopped to chat.  Not even 60 seconds in and the mother asks, "No little ones on the way for you yet?  What are you waiting for?"  And again, I bit my lip and changed the subject.  I refused to cry or assault her!

I also told another friend about my miscarriage.  And contacted another cousin who I recently learned has been going through unexplained infertility and IVF.  

Tomorrow, something could knock me off my feet and have me sobbing, but for today, I'm patting myself on the back.