A Thing Called Hope

Last night I laid in bed and just thought about the last year....

I remember stopping my birth control and feeling excitement.

I remember taking my first prenatal vitamin and feeling prepared.

I remember my first bloodwork results and prescription for Clomid and feeling unsure yet optimistic.

I remember walking into the fertility office for the first time and feeling overwhelmed.

I remember my first IUI and feeling like our miracle was happening. 

But mostly I remember the hope in all of these moments.   I innocently enough thought there was a baby at the end.  I've missed that hope.

Today was our follow up appointment with Dr. T.  We reviewed my MRI images and confirmed my left Unicornuate Uterus.  We reviewed that my good ovary is my right one which of course does me no favors.   My left one has never shown great results from drugs, but it's on my functional side. 

He repeated all the things I've read online over and over again.  Miscarriages,  pre-term labor,  c-sections.  At the end though,  he shut the book and said,  "So we going to try again?"  It kinda caught me off guard, but we agreed to try again. 

May is out because of some upcoming trips,  but I take drugs again next cycle and we keep trying to get lefty to respond. So, right now we don't know if and when our next IUI will happen, but again we have a tiny little bit of hope.