Struggling

I started to write a post on all the things I'm thankful for (and there are so many), but my heart is just not in it tonight.   I'm struggling. 

I am done with progesterone in 2 days and then CD1 will be here, again.   Realistically the next cycle on my left will be around my 33rd birthday, one year older for me and my eggs.  

When do we throw in the towel?  When do we say enough is enough?  When does this feeling of constant anxiety stop? 

At lunch today, I learned about an old classmate who just became a "dad" for the 4th time.... he doesn't provide for the first three and the fourth was born addicted to heroin.  Oh my heart and my brain just can't make sense out of that one. 

How do I drag myself out of this funk? How do I focus on the things I'm thankful for again?  How do I decide what to do next?  How do I make this hurt and anxiety go away?