Stuck

I feel like I'm stuck.  I have no idea what to do next.  I don't know if there is a next.

My mind has flipped several times to the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.   I've lived 2 years in denial that we could ever be here.  Anger and jealousy have reared their ugly head more than I'd like to admit.  Bargaining is a constant part of the game..... Just one more try. Please God I'll do anything.  And good ole depression is a no brainer.  Infertility has gotten so many of my tears; second only to losing my Mom.   So when does acceptance come? Or should I say, "does acceptance come?" 

Day 1 no longer means calls to the RE.  There are unused tests under my bathroom sink.   There's the "other bedroom", the lists of baby names, the unworn maternity clothes, and the baby items cocky me bought.  There's so much left unsettled.  There's an emptiness and an elephant in the room that grows bigger all the time.

Yesterday at a conference, an acquaintance asked, "Now you have one or two babies now?"  Ouch.  Does the sting of those conversations ever go away?

To this point, I've felt like we're at least doing something.  Waiting, testing, medicating, monitoring, trying.... Now we're stuck.  I don't even know what cycle day it is (OK that's a lie....) but I sincerely wish I didn't know. 

What now?