A Look Back (#2)

Random pictures from second pregnancy

Loss #2

I lost another baby today.  We lost another child today.  This time it was earlier.  This time my body naturally started the process.  This time it hurts, but it's a different kind of hurt, but yet still the same. 

There is no ultrasound picture this time.  Some say it's even too early to be called a miscarriage.  But still there is a loss and a new hole in my heart. 

I hate my body.  I hate the way I feel physically, emotionally and mentally.  I hate that I inconvenienced the people who had to sweep in again and pick me up off the floor. 

I called this little one Nugget.  We fought over names.  We browsed nursery fabrics.  I bought a chalkboard for monthly pictures.  I dared to dream that this time would be different. 

Maybe I shouldn't have shopped on Saturday.  Maybe I shouldn't have mowed grass on Monday.  Maybe I shouldn't have tried yoga poses to increase blood flow.  Maybe I rolled on my back too long in my sleep. 

I called the doctor's office, but I still have no idea what that nurse said.  I remember her confirming that my numbers dropped significantly, but the rest is a blur.  I don't know how I drove home.  I don't know what I'd do without the crew that swept in to pick up the pieces. 

My heart hurts.  I want my baby back.  I don't know why I'm here again. Why did I put myself through this again? 

A Look Back (#1)

Excited. Scared. Thrilled. Terrified. Hopeful. Worried. Ecstatic. Petrified.

I could go on and on. 

This time is different.  I want to skip and yell and celebrate and throw a party.  But I also want to hide and pretend it's not happening and protect my heart. 

I'm begging God.  I'm praising God.  

I keep thinking of this quote:

It's not fair to this baby. MY second biological child to not celebrate his or her life, because Doodle is in heaven.  

So the doctor's office doesn't open until 8am.  The same time as my physical therapy appointment.  After that I'm blood work bound.   Please let the numbers be great.  

I think I'm taking Keith coffee from Starbucks that says "Daddy of 2" on the cup.  I told him last night that my period was late and he just simply said "Don't get your hopes up honey." He worries. 

Well I'm done crying and rambling for now.  More later.

Don't Blink

Um where did August go?   I feel like I blinked my eyes and there was September.  

The highlights:

Scott and Jenn came to visit. It was nice to see them and have them stay with us!

Jimmy Buffett concert with my sister.  A memorable time, as usual. 

Weddings and birthday parties. (missing some pics)

Father-in law turned 81

Mackel turned 80

Heidi turned 30

Uncle Bob came to visit. (not a single pic - we ate, we got pedicures, we gossiped!)

Perry's first football game of the season.

When did my kid grow up?!?!

Did some painting and redecorating in our master bathroom. Doing yellow decorations throughout. 

Clean eating challenge.  Keith thinks I am trying to make him a rabbit. 

Next up is my favorite time of the year....bring on the pumpkins, mums, cooler air and fall leaves!!!

Weekend Fun

Talk about a whirlwind of a weekend!  I need a few days to help me recover.

Friday night was a trip to the new baseball field to see the WV Black Bears game.  The boys enjoyed themselves and Heidi and I stayed awake (baseball = not my favorite sport).    The fireworks were nice though.

Saturday was spent at the Pittsburg Zoo.  It was HOT but we had fun.

Sunday was spent cleaning house and visiting family from out of town.  And suddenly the weekend was over....

I'm sad to see summer slipping away....and even sadder to see the college kids return ugh.   At least we had one last great weekend :)

6 Months

6 months ago, I started down the path of Operation Get Healthy.  The scale hit a number that I swore to myself I'd never hit and I freaked out.  

Initially, I ate my feelings and gained a few more, but thankfully I came to my senses and scheduled an appointment with my nutritionist.  She gave me a whole new outlook on how to eat and with the help of MyFitnessPal and my gym buddies, I'm still losing.

I've fallen off the wagon a few times (darn vacations) but I'm still doing alright.  I feel so much better and don't feel deprived.  My joints are definitely loving me a lot more! 

I'll battle my weight until the day I die, but at least right now, I feel like I'm making steps in the right direction.  40 down, way too many to go!

PS:  Please excuse the awful bathroom selfie.  Next time I'll declutter, fix my hair and throw on makeup lol.

Just Livin Life

Still alive over here.  No real excitement in life....just enjoying Summer and keeping busy.  I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Traded in the silver beast for a Subaru.  First new car I have ever owned and the husband gets to drive it.

Did a Davinci and Desserts night with coworkers and had a blast.  Watch out Bob Ross!

This is where we spend every spare moment when the sun is shining.

Don't judge.....this was our basement.  Yard sale happens this weekend.  After pictures to come.