Babies, Sunshine, Student Loans and Chuck E Cheese – Oh My!

The babies are invading.  I have one friend being induced Friday, a Facebook/high school acquaintance due any day, a dear friend who is getting closer to her due date, 2 coworkers who are growing daily and a consultant who is preggers and invited me to her baby shower this weekend.  It is definitely baby season.  I currently need to invade the baby section to get some gifts, but after the last trip, I’m trying to save up the energy/strength to tackle it again.

With Keith, Perry and me passing sicknesses around, we’ve had a lot of downtime at the house.  I do chores and regular day to day tasks, but that still leaves a lot of down time.  Usually Keith watches TV downstairs and cat naps and I watch TV upstairs, read, take a nice long soak or play on my phone.  While it is nice to have some quiet time, it still bothers me.  I get waves of “Is this it for the rest of our life?”  “How long before this boring life gets old?” and quite honestly, “Will my husband give up on me and pursue his desire to be a Dad again?.” 

The rational part of me knows that Keith is loving and loyal, but the crazy hormonal part of me hates that I am what is stopping us from reaching our dreams.  We have plans to join local pool/mini gym as soon as I get home from Philadelphia, but in the meantime, I just sit and let my mind wander.   With traveling for work, we have to skip this cycle with Dr. Jerkface, but next month, we are back in the race. 

But enough of my Debbie Downer post, on a brighter side.  We got one day of sunshine and 70 degree temperatures.  I had the downstairs windows open and the cats were loving life!!  I can’t wait to start on our yard, sealing our deck, and some other spring projects.    I need to get some sunshine in a bad kind of way…..I am so pale, I look like Casper.

We also paid off all of our student loans this month……man that feels good!!!  I won’t be missing that debt and I’ve already routed the money we had been paying straight into savings so I am not tempted to go shopping.  Although new deck furniture has been calling my name. 

We did make one splurge and went away for a long weekend.  It was a late birthday celebration for Keith and something fun for Perry.  We just drove to Bridgeville, PA and got a hotel room with an indoor pool, went out for a nice Italian dinner and spent the next day at Chuck E Cheese.  The time change made it extra exhausting, but it was totally worth it to see my boys having fun! 

I’ve got house cleaning and laundry to do this weekend in preparation for leaving for Philadelphia for a week of training and then it’s my birthday week!!  Bring on the fun =)   Of course, I’ll be wishing for a baby when I blow out my candles….let’s hope my 32^nd year is the year I become a biological Mama.

It's Mine to Save

Since last Tuesday, I’ve been doing a lot of research and thinking.  The more I learn and read about AS, the more concerned I get.  The idea of being crippled and unable to get relief from pain, is super frightening.  The thought of having to use my walker more than once or twice a year could almost bring me to tears.  I’ve had a few people say, “Oh that’s good that it is just arthritis,” and man do I wish that were true.  The arthritis that most people know, causes extreme aches and pains and creaks (and is surely miserable, not downplaying that), but this one makes joints lose functionality.  It creates surgeries and irreversible damage and causes the aches and pains.  Most arthritis kicks in late in life, I’m 31 and falling apart.  So far, my neck, back (SI joints), ribs, thumbs, shoulder, knees and feet are involved, that doesn’t leave many other body parts.

But this post isn’t meant to be a big ole whiner fest (surprise!), but instead me putting my plans in writing.  No one can fight for my health as well as I can, so here is my semi-public declaration of the lifestyle changes I am making.

1.      Eating healthier.  I am the queen of the yo-yo diet.  If the numbers on the scale don’t magically divide themselves in a matter of weeks, I am over it.  I go back to my old ways and gain 10 extra pounds.  Well, this is stopping.  I am going to eat healthier, unprocessed foods.  I asked my doctor about diet and she suggested the Mediterranean Diet or any diet that promotes unprocessed foods and Omega 3s.  She made it clear that my being overweight is not causing the breakdown like I originally feared, but she said that losing weight can only improve my health and help take strain off my joints. 

2.      Exercising.  AS causes severe fatigue and aching….not exactly ideal for exercise.  I refuse to blame my lack of exercise on this though, I’ve just been lazy.  Going forward, I will be moving more and getting off my butt.  I’m only allowed to swim right now, but soon enough, I can add elliptical, walking and biking back in.  I’m not allowed to pound my joints, so I’ll never be a runner, but I can move more, and make exercise a priority. 

3.      Drinking more water.  I am not a drinker….I can go the whole day without drinking.  I am on a mission to find a water bottle I love and make it my sidekick.  I’ve slipped into an old habit of grabbing a pop or sweet tea while on the road and that HAS to stop.  I refuse to give up my one coffee a day with flavored creamer, because let’s be honest, it is in the best interest of everyone around me, if I don’t give that up.

4.      Getting more sleep.  I am hoping the exercise and lack of random drinks throughout the day will help with this.  I also plan to put myself to bed earlier even if I just lay there and unwind.

5.      Taking my meds.  I hate maintenance drugs…..I quit taking them after a while (hence prenatal vitamins laying in my drawer.)  I will take my pills and faithfully listen to the doc.

So there it is, my plan to save my poor ole body from AS.  On a bright note, all of these things could also aid fertility (minus the RXs), but the bad news is, this diagnosis throws a wrench into having children. 

There are several factors to consider:

1.      It’s hereditary

2.      It affects my ability to receive an epidural

3.      Pregnancy can be 100 times more painful or it could give me relief….there is no norm to how AS patients respond

4.      I would have to quit taking all drugs during a pregnancy

5.      I’ve read miscarriages are more likely in AS patients (something to do with the inflammation, they think)

So yeah.  More to think about.  But for now, we aren’t pursuing fertility treatments, but we also aren’t preventing anything.  We’re letting things sink in and waiting for the results from my next rheumatologist appointment in May. 

Please feel free to pray for us….pray for my joints, pray for Keith’s sanity, pray for strength to stick to my plans, pray for our family.  I’m thankful for the answers God has helped me get, but we’re just starting on this road, and I’m scared of what the future holds. 

Tangible Grace

After publishing my Debbie Downer post I felt a more upbeat post was needed.   It's time to brag on my husband.

I don't say it enough,  but THANK YOU GOD FOR THE MAN YOU MADE FOR ME.

He stays by my side when I give him every reason to run.   He takes amazing care of me.  He knows when I need him most.  He babies me when I NEED it.

Today he took a vacation day to take care of me (weak and dizzy from food poisoning) and to go to my doc appointment with me.  After bad news he even offered to take me to Kohls to cheer me up (I think he knew I felt too weak to accept but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt.)

I once heard the term "tangible grace" and that's what Keith is to me.... He's my tangible grace and I love that man.

Some Days Life Just Ain't Fair

My thoughts for today:

1. Why can Honey Boo Boo's mother have children and I can't?

2.  On top of that fun,  today I got diagnosed with an auto immune disease.  I can't even say the stupid name let alone wrap my head around it....It's not life threatening (Thank you, God) but it's still a little unsettling.

3.  Some days life just ain't fair (And I can say "ain't" because I'm battling infertility and have Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) so hhmph.)

Where The Heck Is My Stork?!?!

It’s been a frustrating few weeks.  We’re in the phase of doing nothing and pouting about it (well at least I am).  After the last cycle, we called the doc on Monday, but apparently you have to call on Day 1 (aka the weekend) which threw off that month….even though that doesn’t make much sense to me, but whatever. 

So this month, we were left to do things the old fashion way.  Well enter a round of strep/bronchitis followed up by the worst cold I ever remember having, and my husband has pretty much stayed as far away from me as humanly possible.  So unless there is some miracle or alien invasion, there will be no babies created in February. 

In the meantime, there have been multiple baby showers and pregnancy announcements.  I also got to hear someone complain about not being able to find Plan B at their local pharmacy, and basically, I have just been pouting. 

Yes, this post is very grownup and mature, but hey, I’m still sick and whiny so you get what you get.  Next week will be more cheery, and if you get a chance, please say a little prayer that March will be our month.   I’d really like that for a birthday present!! 

Birchbox Time!

The little cardboard box showed up and I demanded the husband open it while I drive down the road so I can gawk at my goodies.  Definitely not the most exciting loot, but it’s still good stuff.

Protect and Oil Beauty Protector:  I’ve never tried hair oil before, which doesn’t make much sense for a frizzy, curly haired girl, but this stuff was pretty good.  It wasn’t greasy and didn’t stay on my hands after applying.  I think it helped tame my damaged, winter-frizzed hair.  I won’t be rushing out to buy it, but I will continue to slap it on my wet hair when the thought crosses my mind.

Dr. Brandt Pores No More Pore Definer:  Finally found something that tones down my shiny nose and forehead.  I will definitely be using this stuff for photos, special occasions and anytime I have that funny glare coming off my skin.  It doesn’t take much product to get the job done, so the small tube should last me a while.

Joan Vass L’eau Cristal Perfume: I think I smelled like a roasted vanilla bean.  My husband seemed to like the smell.  I have never been a patchouli kind of girl and I have no clue what bergamot is, so I will be passing on purchasing this scent.

OPI Sheer Tints in Don’t Violet Me Down: I love getting nail polishes in the boxes.  I was excited to try this top coat, but the purple isn’t exactly me.  I think I looked frostbit or that I was lacking in oxygen, but I could see myself using this product in pink or another neutral color. 

Harney and Sons Fine Teas:  I am not a fancy tea drinker.  I like plain ole Lipton and sometimes will splurge on a flavored tea at a restaurant.  Needless to say, I would have preferred they send me a k-cup over a tea bag any ole day. 

Overall, it was an ok month.  Definitely celebrating that there was no lip junk involved.  At least I had free gift time at Clinique to make this month a little brighter!!  (You can’t beat Clinique eye liner!!)

This Is Why You Don’t Blog on Meds

 Warning: I’m medicated and weepy. 

I try not to spend too much of my life regretting things that I did or didn’t do. 

The thought does cross my mind sometimes about how one little moment could have changed so many things.  I think about Keith, who asked me out 5+ times before I said yes.  I was working a lot at the time, and kept denying his requests.  I can’t imagine my life right now if it weren’t for him finally suggesting lunch and giving me no choice but to say, “Yes.”  Best decision I ever made. 

That man has made me happier and angrier than any other human has in my 29ish+ years.  I love him in ways I didn’t know were possible.  He just gets me. 

Like earlier this week:  I was sick (again) and he brought me an iced coffee, lunch, throat drops and a surprise to work.  He bought me a baby name book to show me that he hasn’t given up hope.  The sweetness and hope behind his gesture breaks and warms my heart. 

Which brings me back to trying not to regret things.  A while back I bought the supplies to tell Keith we’re expecting.  In a moment of excitement, hope and allowing myself to believe, I bought the items I wanted to use to tell him.  I’ve never been a fan of handing someone a stick I peed on (not judging lol just not my style) so I prepared, just in case.  And now, I keep stumbling across my hidden surprise.  I worry what I will do with it if I never get to give it to him. 

Since the IUI, my body has been freaking out.  I won’t go into details, but let’s just say, my once normal cycles are all over the place and the doctor’s office isn’t being all that helpful in explaining it all to me.  And quite frankly, I don’t know what to do next.  Right now, I am waiting for this horrible sickness to pass and for the results from my recent doc appointments. 

But after all that rambling, Happy Valentine’s Day.  We’re spending a low key night together at home, because I had my husband cancel our dinner plans.  I can’t taste much right now, so why waste the amazing food at Montmartre!  I’m looking forward to spending some quality time with the man that I love and who I hope one day can be a Daddy again.