Torn Between

This year, I'm torn between being so thankful for all I have and a little sad on what I thought I'd have.  

The little Thanksgiving outfits still haunt me....those ribbon feathers ugh.  A few pregnancy announcements mixed in were just the whipped cream on the pie.

In the mix of it all, I'm blessed. I'm thankful.  I'm trying so hard to focus on the good stuff.

I did find one tiny way to clean out the tear ducts, while hopefully bringing another wanna be mama a smile.   Ice cream is always the answer so I'm treating on the pay it forward board.

Happy Turkey Day!!!

Wordless

I've struggled to write lately.  Partially because of a stressful project at work.  Partially because I don't know what to think, feel or write.  Partially because avoiding my thoughts is therapeutic (I lie to myself).

I can't sleep lately.  4 hours is the name of the game some nights.  If my brain had an off switch, I'd be one happy girl. 

I'm added to Keith's insurance for 2016. I have had some other amazing opportunities that have been huge blessings arise (more on that later).  My cousin recently had a successful transfer and is happily pregnant on her hail mary embryo.  Yet I'm scared....Petrified really.

I'm waiting for one single day where this is easy.  I need one single day when my brain and my heart and my life and our finances and my everything just get their act together. 

I'm still waiting for it to happen "naturally" (hate that word) again.  I'm still convinced it will end in loss. I'm still contemplating kidnapping or running away from home or adopting or more furry kids instead of human.  I'm still telling myself to give up and move on. 

Alright maybe I don't lack words at all....just answers. I lack answers.